I need a bigger car. I need something heavy and hard and made of steel. I need a tank. No...not for more storage space for groceries, or more seats for passengers....I need a tank to play bumper cars in....There are some people in this world who need a little motivation to drive correctly it would seem....the other day I went to the Starbucks drive thru...seems like the biggest threat would be to my wallet...nope. That day the biggest threat was to my sanity and to the bumper of the BMW in front of me. This guy places his order and rolls forward just enough so that only my front end is in front of the order box (he's got another 10 ft to go). I give a little toot for him to move forward for me...he looks up (yes he is playing with his phone) and moves a bit. I place my order and we roll along some more. He gets his drink and once again, rolls only slightly forward so that he is now blocking the whole drive thru while he adjusts his drink, his seat, hair, phone etc....I have about lost my mind now. I hate this in the drive thru...there is nothing more rude then blocking the drive thru ....so I say, in a voice just loud enough to carry "buddy, stop playing with your phone and pay attention...move up!....the lady in the window is amused...I can tell she sees this all day....Now...in my bumper car world, I would have just pushed him along his way...Im sure he would have gotten the point....
Last night....I am heading home from work and Celine Dion is singing at the Bank Atlantic Center...so (amazingly enough) there is a ton of traffic....who knew so many ppl really liked her....anyhoo....We are all crawling along ...I have moved to the far outside lane so I can avoid all those trying to get into the center and just get around them and go home. While stopped at a red light...I have a man in a bigger SUV than mine literally come around me and jam his car along side mine and the curb in an effort to cut me off...why? who knows...but I hate this. We are all in the same situation...stuck in traffic and hating it...so why make this worse and cut ppl off? So...part of me kinda pulls real tight and I think to myself...no way....I pull up to the bumper of the car ahead of me, prepared to hold my ground and keep my space...NO JOKE...the minute the light turns green this man guns it and cuts his wheel sharply to the left so that I have to slam on my brakes to keep from going in to his front end, and to keep him from ripping off my front end. I lean on my horn while shouting and yes...he flips ME off! OK...so now Im mad...but what can I do? Nothing but stew for the rest of the ride. I came home and advised Broderick that when we have the kind of money it would take to replace my front end and take a hit on our insurance...I would be applying the bumper car policy to this sort of situation....yes that means, not stepping on my brakes and just gliding into the side of the offending vehicle. I think I will then back up and hit it again....back and hit (rinse and repeat) about 6 or 7 times....all the while screaming TAWANDA!! (see Fried Green Tomatoes for reference)....Then calmly put the car in park and wait for police. I will take the ticket, the points on my drivers license and the higher insurance...just to see the look on the guys face when I tell him " Florida is a no fault state...so my insurance takes care of mine, yours takes care of yours....I can afford to fix my car...can you?" I bet he would think twice about cutting off a woman again....
